Ratings System 1-10 (1 being lowest, 10 being highest, one decimal deep)Hall Of Fame: (8.5-10)
Fired Up - The premise of this movie sounds very cliche and not too creative. That being said, it not only lives up to its potential, it exceeds it drastically. The chemistry of the actors and actresses makes the jokes come alive. The writing, as in all great comedies, embodies the range and characterization of the actors in a perfect fit. Punches are strong and frequent. (8.5)
Observe And Report - This coming of the age movie was absolutely hilarious from start to finish. Seth Rogen stars in one of if not his best performance in a movie. The cast is great, the writing creative, and directing will surprise you in a good way. (8.6)
The Hangover - This may quite possibly be the best comedy of all time. It ranks that way in the numbers, and I truly can't think of a single person who didn't laugh at all the entire time this movie played. From the writing to the directing to the creative style and the acting, this movie is absolutely brilliantly put together. The punches are very strong and very frequent and you never really know what's going to happen next because the producers don't tip their hand. The cameos are great and the comedy original. It rightfully launched many careers. It will provide you with endless epic quotables as well. My only complaint is there's not enough female nudity. (9.6)
Public Enemies - This movie transformed me into a Gangster movie fan. Johnny Depp brings an A+ performance to go along nicely with the artisticly done 1920's/1930's setting. The directing moves the movie along nicely and the main characters can teach you a lot about confidence. Great quotable by Depp when he picks up his new girlfriend from her job. The sexuality is a bit tame and Christian Bale really fails to get a southern accent rolling, but nonetheless, this film is a classic. (9.2)
Zombieland - This zombie movie became a cult classic because it was done right with a modern flavor. There's a great deal of characterization including one great cameo which spoofs itself, to go along with the strong characters and powerful punches. The film makes you care what happens to the characters. The effects are very good, and the events are more creative than any other zombie movie I can recall. (8.5)
Law Abiding Citizen - Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler perform at a high level in this thriller that will keep you guessing. The backgrounds of the characters are strong and the action and plot very exciting. There is strong but infrequent comic relief and some of the movie will make you question its believability, but all in all a very well made and thought out film. Quotable by Butler when talking to an official about his living quarters, "That's what wrenches are for, Dumb@$$!" is priceless. (8.7)
The Blind Side - Based on a true story, the artistic directing brings it to life. This is my favorite Sandra Bullock film for good reason, and the acting is great throughout. You will care about the character, who is easy to sympathize with because of his situation. The rags to riches tale is a poor man's dream come true done on the big screen. Directing is excellent, and it leaves you with a good feeling. (8.8)
Up In The Air - One of George Clooney's finest work, this movie has high replay value. They couldv'e done more with some of the characters, but the main ones are taken in depth, and all very unique and greatly acted. The concept is simple but brilliantly performed on screen through genious writing. The ending is very depressing but believable and relevant. (8.8)
Honorable Mentions: (8.0-8.4)
Friday The 13th - This movie made me understand why so many fans of the franchise were afraid when they watched the first films. The suspense through directing is done so well, this modern version of the series lives up to the themes originally brought up perfectly. The deaths are creative, although the unknown actors don't really make a name for themselves. I hope for a sequel. (8.1)
The Last House On The Left - 2009 was a good year for horror films. This movie is simply intense from start to finish, with the story based on a true event. Watching it makes it seem exactly like that in that its far from cheesy in the scary events. The directing is dark but well done, and the rape scene will leave a mental scar. (8.2)
X-Men Origins: Wolverine - Wolverine becomes the most interesting superhero in the clan with this movie, which pulls no punches. It's so sincere to the malice of the villains that at one point they kill innocent lovely elderly people out of nowhere who the audience just gets to know. Although its PG-13, it still strains the lines with some of the action and character deaths. Gambit is a waste, but the comic relief is surprisingly somewhat funny. (8.3)
Terminator: Salvation - One of the best Terminator movies in that it picks up the action and flow of storyline, while keeping true to the violent and time travel styles of the franchise. The acting is great by Chrisian Bale and good by Sam Worthington, and the ending is brilliant. (8.1)
Dance Flick - Finally another good "Movie" movie, and you can tell this one was done right by the Wayans brothers. The spoofs are excellent and creatively poke fun at current trends in the same way the first two Scary Movies did. (8.2)
Inglourious Basterds - This abstract take on the Holocaust is very character driven, with extended quirky pieces added together Quentin Tarantino style. It fits nicely and the ending is so creative because it blatantly disregards history in favor of its own style. Brad Pitt's acting is great along with many others and Mike Myers has a great cameo. Action is lacking and some punches are pretty lame. (8.0)
Saw VI - The last great Saw movie is this one. The traps are intense and the story will actually make you guess, unlike the last two films. This movie overall is actually better than the third in the series, which I rank 1,2,6,3,5,7,4. (8.2)
Brothers - Tobey Maguire's acting really makes this movie great. The small scale of relevance to all things that aren't war isn't lost because the directing is good enough to connect them to the casual viewer in a way easy to understand. The cinematography is excellent from the Middle East to America and the drama very real. Great acting all around, but no real action or sexuality where it could have been used. Tobey Maguire notable quotable: "Did you F*%k my wife?" (8.4)
One Time Entertainment: (6.5-7.9)
My Bloody Valentine 3D - This movie was pretty corny, but the classic slasher flick style makes it interesting to watch. One point I really remember involves a naked woman running and screaming in 3D, which I'm not sure had been done up to this point. The storyline is cheesy, but it does not drag. (5.7)
Taken - I really like Liam Neeson's performance in this movie, as he creates the perfect father figure time and time again. Notable quotable, "We can have a dick measuring contest later..." when dealing with a stepdad. If the plot wasn't so cliche, the movie would rank highly on my list. The action and acting are both great, but you can see mostly everything that's coming. (7.8)
Watchmen - I know what fanboys are going to say, "How can you rate this movie this low?" The directing is artsy, but the flow of the movie isn't really fast enough for how awesome the characters are. Special effects are amazing, and the sex scene is great, but I can't help but think they could've done more. And the giant blue penis haunts me to this day. (6.8)
Miss March - This movie is pretty funny from start to finish, but nothing truly out of the ordinary other than one main character named Horsedick.mpeg. The bland style and acting makes it fun to see once, but there's absolutely nothing above average except the punches. (7.2)
I Love You, Man - This comedy shows what modern times we live in, where a man needs to court another man for friendship. That is how it is these days, so many of the jokes are relative to modern times. Some of them are very good, but most are flatliners. Paul Rudd and Jason Segal have excellent screen chemistry. (7.3)
Adventureland - This movie seems like it jumped right out of an MTV writer's pitch for a teenage drama. The acting is better than average and the story flows well, but some parts will leave you going, "Really?" It seems like more of a rough draft of a decent movie than a movie itself, although Jesse Eisenberg emerges as an actor through it. (7.3)
Star Trek - The new direction of the series is very action oriented, which is good for creating new fans, especially in this ADD generation. The evil character is menacing but like Superman Returns, lacks a crew of zany minions that I think would have made it more interesting and believable. Kudos for the cameo in the snow cave, but nothing too out of the ordinary for a space type film. (7.1)
I Love You Beth Cooper - This comedy is cute for high school kids to dream about, but most of it would just never happen. The story flows well and the events are interesting and unbelievable. Hayden Panettiere gets very close to showing herself off, so close that's its a tease. The punches range from somewhat weak to pretty strong and it would be a good date movie. (7.0)
Orphan - The horror in this movie is very raw and straightforward. It saves the less gruesome or heartless stories for other films. The story is very interesting and the acting very good. The twist at the end is a huge shocker but makes sense. The scary parts really aren't very scary, which makes the film suffer. (6.8)
District 9 - This strikingly original sci fi movie does many things well. The story is very interesting and there's a strong sense of characterization that holds the events together. The effects are very cool, but I can't help but not believe that aliens would just accept that they're getting screwed over by humans. You would think they had some creative power, but no. I see symmetry between the L.A. treatment of Blacks and Latinos to aliens in this film. The end is heartwarming, but nothing special. (7.3)
Couples Retreat - This romantic comedy is very well acted and directed, and decently funny, but the punches never make it to that next level. Scenery is good. Great date movie, ladies in the film are very good looking in swimsuits. (7.7)
Avatar - I think James Cameron's name and hype alone made this the top selling movie of all time, because it certainly wasn't the movie. The visuals are insane, they're so great you actually have to see them, and the premise is creative, but very cliche. Everything in this movie is cliche, from the characters to the plot. Its disappointing but not worth avoiding. (6.8)
Garbage: (0.1-6.4)
Crank: High Voltage - Rest in peace to this series. The second movie is so unbelievable in a way that isn't even laughable and it doesn't acknowledge itself. They really expect you to believe this is possible. The acting is stale, even Jason Statham. The story is strikingly similar to the first, but less creative and with dumb need-it-now type action. (4.0)
Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen - A huge disappointment, this movie is filled with bad acting, even by Shia LaBeouf, who I like, and terrible writing and directing. The action is too zoomed in the whole time and the robots try to be cool as the attempted comedy fails as well. I want to forget it. (3.9)
Bruno - Sasha Baren Cohen fails again in this less than funny, over-the-top style comedy that we've already seen him attempt. You have to be pretty low on the IQ scale to really be a fan of this film. There's excessive male nudity in a way that isn't funny, and the poor acting and jokes only make this movie drag out. (1.6)
Funny People - This movie is absolutely hilarious for the first half hour to 45 minutes. After that it simply stalls out drastically. The movie drags with romance that not only isn't funny, but doesn't amount to anything and takes about an hour of the movie. I have no idea what Judd Apatow was thinking. The cameos are very cool, and the Adam Sandler-Seth Rogen collaboration symbolizes a passing of the torch, but aside from that its terrible. (5.1)
The Goods: Live Hard Sell Hard - This failed comedy just isn't that interesting unless you're a car salesman. Jeremy Piven literally just secondhand copies his Ari Gold character minus the great one liners. It is funny when he realizes he's been used near the end, but not a single other great moment comes to mind. (5.9)
The Final Destination - The franchise takes a turn for the worse with this movie from start to finish. The effects are very poor, the deaths uncreative and sometimes even borrowed from earlier films, and the acting stale. Directing makes it flow slowly and predictably. (4.5)
Gamer - Gerard Butler fails miserably in this attempt at a coming of the age film. Its very poorly constructed from the premise to the loose ends never tied up at the end. It seemed like a video game movie hybrid made by a fat fanboy nerd, but it definetely doesn't do a great job of appealing to the public. Action is good. (4.0)
The Invention Of Lying - Its a very creative concept, but there are so many loopholes in the story its ridiculous. More than I can think of in any other movie. The punches are pretty good, but aside from that the film isn't great in any category. The ending is bad. (4.3)
Top 5
1. The Hangover (9.6)
2. Public Enemies (9.2)
3. Up In The Air (8.8)
4. The Blind Side (8.8)
5. Law Abiding Citizen (8.7)
Bottom 5
1. Bruno (1.6)
2. Transformers: Rise Of The Fallen (3.9)
3. Gamer (4.0)
4. Crank: High Voltage (4.0)
5. The Invention Of Lying (4.3)
