By Ed Symkus
This year we've got a nice, neat schedule for the summer movie season. It starts on June 1 and it ends on August 31. Within that period, there are 66 feature films set to be released in the U.S., as usual, ranging from dramas to comedies, fantasies to documentaries, kiddy stuff to horror, action to art, manly movies to chick flicks.
You never know what's going to be good or bad till you've seen it. But we've narrowed the list down to 29 titles that, we're guessing, will at least raise eyebrows. Some will be smashes; some will vanish, perhaps to find a new life on DVD or Blu-ray or one of those movie machines at the supermarket.
Snow White and The Huntsman
JUNE
Battlefield America
Nope, it's not a name change and early release of Red Dawn (which opens in November. It's yet another in a tired series of movies about unruly kids who are whipped into shape by an outsider coach. Wait, it's not even about sports. It's about the "underground dance competition circuit." A rather inauspicious summer season opener
Snow White and the Huntsman
The year of Snow White-centric movies continues (after Mirror Mirror flopped) with the Grimm fairy tale taking a new turn: When the wicked queen (Charlize Theron) orders the assassination of Snow White (Kristen Stewart), her would-be killer (Chris Hemsworth) instead trains her to take revenge on the queen.
Madagascar 3
Alex, Marty, Gloria, and Melman (voices of Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, Jada Pinkett Smith, David Schwimmer) continue the long trek back to their home in a New York zoo, but stop off in Europe for a while to hide out in a traveling circus.
Prometheus
The great Ridley Scott turns back the clock to revisit science fiction in what's being called a "sort of prequel" to his 1979 Alien. Word is that we get to go back to that awful planet, then finally find out something about whoever or whatever originally sent out the distress signal that drew Sigourney Weaver and shipmates there.
Rock of Ages
Rock of Ages
The Broadway musical featuring both great and awful pop music of the '80s in a story of young people trying to make it in '80s L.A. gets the big screen treatment. It's been said that Tom Cruise, as an aging rocker, gets to show off a surprisingly good singing talent. With Catherine Zeta-Jones, Julianne Hough, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, and wrestler Kevin Nash (and lots of Foreigner and Journey).
That's My Boy
Adam Sandler plays the single bad dad of Andy Samberg, who he raised for 18 years, then parted ways with. Now that the son is getting married, dad wants to reconnect. Warning: James Caan plays a priest, and Vanilla Ice plays himself.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
I was reading this novel recently in a restaurant, when the waitress came up to me, looked at the cover, and said, "Oh, is it fiction?" It plays out as reality, following Lincoln from a poor boy to a wood splitter to a politician to the president. He just also happens to despise, hunt down, and kill vampires. Apparently some extra plotting has been added to the film.
Brave
Disney and Pixar keep the arrows flying (Forget Snow White; we've already had Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games and Hawkeye in The Avengers) in an animated story about ace archer Princess Merida (Kelly Macdonald) who, with red hair flowing, is granted one wish that she hopes will help her vanquish a curse that she's accidentally brought on.
G.I. Joe: Retaliation
Has the President of the U.S. (Jonathan Pryce) gone bonkers? Why is he dissing the heroic G.I. Joes and praising the villainous members of COBRA? And why are the good guys getting blown up all over the place. G.I. Joe pals Channing Tatum and Dwayne Johnson are set to find out what the heck is going on, amongst much special effects work and outrageous action.
Magic Mike
Director Steven Soderbergh continues a career of making movies in every genre he can think of (his past three were The Informant!, Contagion, and Haywire). This time he has Channing Tatum, as a successful male stripper, mentoring a new kid in town (Alex Pettyfer) in the fine art of getting women to stuff $5 bills into places we're not going to mention here. Yes, it's a comedy. And it's another film featuring Kevin Nash.
People Like Us
Chris Pine plays a guy who's overwhelmed by debt. Elizabeth Banks plays a woman who's got all other sorts of problems. A death, a will, and a pile of cash bring them together and keep them apart, even though they're brother and sister (and she doesn't know it). Looks like it veers into mushiness.
The Amazing Spider-Man
JULY
The Amazing Spider-Man
Director Marc Webb ((500) Days of Summer) takes over for Sam Raimi, and actor Andrew Garfield (The Social Network) puts on Tobey Maguire's Spidey suit (while Sally Field is the new Aunt May) in a reboot of the series. Peter Parker has a thing for Gwen Stacey (Emma Stone), and has trouble with Dr. Curt Connors (Rhys Ifans), who will become the Lizard.
Savages
A couple of young American guys (Aaron Johnson, Taylor Kitsch) combine business and pleasure and a bit of uncontrolled violence in a successful pot-growing business. They also happen to share a girlfriend (Blake Lively) who is kidnapped by a Mexican drug cartel. This new one from Oliver Stone (who really does owe us a good movie), features John Travolta, Uma Thurman, and Emile Hirsch.
Ice Age: Continental Drift
Seriously? Another one? This series is getting harder and harder to sit through. Alas, back again are Manny, Diego, and Sid (voices of Ray Romano, Denis Leary, John Leguizamo), finding themselves afloat on an iceberg, meeting up with pirates (Pirates???) on the high seas.
Ted
TV writer Seth MacFarlane makes his feature directing debut with a story of John (Mark Wahlberg), a guy who has always wished that his Teddy bear could come alive. When it finally does, it turns out to be a companion you don't really want to be seen with … or heard from. Things get to the point where John must choose between the furry bear and his girlfriend (Mila Kunis). The bear is also voiced by MacFarlane.
The Dark Knight Rises
Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale once again go to the Batman well, this time in a story of the Caped Crusader being thought of as an enemy of Gotham City, but still having to defend the place from powerful and evil Bane (Tom Hardy). Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, and Michael Caine are back as Lucius Fox, Jim Gordon, and Alfred. Anne Hathaway makes her first appearance as Catwoman.
The Watch
Four guys (Ben Stiller, Jonah Hill, Vince Vaughn, Richard Aoyade) are always on patrol, in their Neighborhood Watch car, wearing their Neighborhood Watch satin jackets, going up against "adversaries" such as egg-throwing kids. Then one day, aliens from another world decide to launch an attack. It's a comedy about what our "heroes" will do.
The Bourne Legacy
AUGUST
The Bourne Legacy
Tony Gilroy wrote the screenplays for the first three Bourne thrillers, and he wrote and directed this one. But there's no Matt Damon or Jason Bourne this time around. Now we're focused on a different CIA operative – Aaron Cross, played by Jeremy Renner – who has just been willingly placed in the secret program that creates killers.
Total Recall
Director Len Wiseman made a couple of Underworld films, then the terrific Live Free or Die Hard, so there's a good chance he'll do fine on this sort of remake of the Ahnold sci-fi film that was based on Philip K. Dick's We Can Remember It For You Wholesale. Colin Farrell is now the guy who goes on a mind vacation, where, watch out, everything that can go wrong goes wrong.
The Campaign
The hairstyles alone might be worth it in this new comedy from director Jay Roach (whose best film is still the first Austin Powers, but who did well on the recent TV movie Game Change). Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis star as two North Carolina politicians who have nothing in common but a shared desire to make a run for the White House. With John Lithgow and Dan Aykroyd.
Hope Springs
I'm not sure about director David Frankel, who made the awful Marley & Me, and the over-exaggerated The Devil Wears Prada. But he's got a castful of good actors in this story of a long-married couple (Tommy lee Jones, Meryl Streep), who go through a week-long session with a therapist (Steve Carell) to help their relationship. It's listed as a comedy-drama.
The Expendables 2
The cast: Bruce Willis, Sly Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jason Statham, Chuck Norris, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren. Ummm, do you really have any questions?
ParaNorman
ParaNorman
It's an animated film about an outcast lad named Norman (voice of Kodi Smit-McPhee) who has all kinds of ESP-like powers, and who must save his town from, you know, the forces of evil. With the voices of John Goodman, Leslie Mann, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Jeff Garlin, and Elaine Stritch as Grandma.
Sparkle
A remake of the tepid 1976 movie of the same title about a girl group that faces all kinds of problems in achieving musical success. Set in the'60s, based at Motown, telling a new version of the same story, featuring pop singer Jordin Sparks and the late Whitney Houston.
The Apparition
College kids do some experimenting that lets loose a nasty and of course murderous supernatural presence. They fight it off. Low budget bumps in the night, and beautiful people running around in their underwear.
Hit and Run
A guy in the Witness Protection Program (Dax Shepard) changes his name to Charlie Bronson. OK, that's pretty clever, at least to viewers old enough to get the gag. But when his girlfriend needs help, he ventures out into the real world, where he's chased by former gang pals as well as the cops.
Premium Rush
Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a bike delivery guy in Manhattan who's given a special envelope – a "premium rush" job – that he'd better get where it's going with no problems. Michael Shannon plays the mysterious guy who wants to get that envelope away from him before it's delivered. Quite a few other people want it, too. The chase is on.
7500
7500
The title refers to the number of the plane heading out on an all-night 10-hour flight from L.A. to Tokyo. The problem is that no one's gonna get much sleep, as there seems to be some kind of supernatural spirit onboard.
Hysteria
Last time out it was Jake Gyllenhaal in Love and Other Drugs, the story of the invention of Viagra. Now we've got his sister, Maggie, in the story of the invention of the vibrator. No doubt, Hollywood is continuing its exploration of debauchery. With Hugh Dancy and Jonathan Pryce.
